Every February, with all the commercials, cards and candy, we’re reminded that it’s time to re-examine our love lives.

Whatever our romantic situation – great, dull or horrific – we’re bombarded with balloon bouquets, cheesy love songs on the radio and Dr. Phil’s tips for “How to Make a Relationship Work.”

Despite all these grand pronouncements, the reality is that no one – not even Dr. Phil – can improve your love life. In all honesty, maybe you can’t improve it either.

Why? Because, if you’re like most people, you’re already trying that.

If you’re single, you’re “out there.” You’re “open.” You’re flirting with people at the grocery store. You have two on-line dating memberships. Hell, you even hit the bar scene when you have the energy.

If you’re struggling with your marriage, or working on Improving Your Relationship – well, according to the statistics, you’ve got a fifty-fifty chance of making it last (even if you’re in counseling).

Fifty-fifty is not great. You never want to be on a hospital bed with a fifty-fifty chance of survival. However, if you ever are on a hospital bed with a fifty-fifty chance of survival, chances are, your spouse is cheating on you.

According to recent surveys, fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce, and fifty percent of all married Americans are adulterous. About 60 percent of divorces happen within the first 10 years and 25 percent of couples say their relationship is worse after counseling. Add to that the latest statistics on men and women now marrying later in life, and you’ve got a hell of a lot of lovelorn people out there.

We’re “out there” on the hamster-wheel of love -- chasing The Fantasy.

Ah, The Fantasy. It’s so damn intoxicating. Everywhere on earth, every human being dreams about The Fantasy -- to meet our true soul mate, fall in love, and live happily ever after. From the time we’re on the playground, while we’re watching TV and listening to love songs, we grow up with the notion that there’s Someone Special out there for us. It’s so deeply, subconsciously and hormonally programmed into us that we’re on auto-pilot, searching for someone to be with before we even hit puberty.

You would think with all of this fundamental, universal, since-the-dawn-of-time kind of obsessing, we would have this shit down to a science by now. After all, love is the most primal, the most consuming and, some say, the most important pursuit in the world. But clearly the statistics tell a very different story.

So what are we doing wrong?

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